I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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