I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
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I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
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Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
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