Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
The air was thick with penises
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.