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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4

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• (917): View more from New York City

  you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  bc i get to see you. naked.

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• (757): View more from Virginia

  so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?

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  Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  We welcome drunken adversity.

  (1-724): View more from Pennsylvania

  With open legs.

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• (910): View more from North Carolina

  I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.

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• (636): View more from Missouri

  Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.

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• (971): View more from Oregon

  Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.

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  19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (281): View more from Texas

  Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.

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• (386): View more from Florida

  Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!

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• (707): View more from California

  WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"

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• (620): View more from Kansas

  He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..

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• (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza

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