could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
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Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
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We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place