I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
there's paper in my vomit.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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