I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
