I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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