i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
