What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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