I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
