last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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