on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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