can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
