There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
