i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
