She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
