I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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