remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
