Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
