Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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