i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
