you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize