yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
should my penis look like a turkey
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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