she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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