u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
