i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize