i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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