she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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