Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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