Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
