Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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