i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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