careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
