I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
