someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
