you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
