This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
