What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
