i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
