My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
