at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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