I need help removing her.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize