I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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