Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
