I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
