Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
