THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
