3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Alive.
So much puke
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
