I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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