quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
