I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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