when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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