Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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