She said her name was "party"
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I came so hard my ears popped.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
