i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
