Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
