Kiss
Puke
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
