y did u give ur computer a hand job?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
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