at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Randomize
