Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
