just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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