I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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