I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I am one with the molecules
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
