So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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