But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
