I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
