I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
