I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
