I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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