Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
