just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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