Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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