4 words: hood of his car
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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