well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
