When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
